"Fallen Warrior"

Walking to Hunter College yesterday I came across this umbrella.,.    It simply could not go on anymore. How bravely it served, facing untoward hardships like wind, snow, sleet, ice, rain, and still faithfully it spread its wings when called upon. This winter has cost many umbrellas their lives. We don't think of these fallen warriors much until we see them lying where they gave out, on the side walk or in this

case a broken  figure collapsed on a snow drift.

              I        checked to make sure it was dead, that there could be no hope of rescue, or revival and it was indeed a "goner". So then I thought that I would give it a proper burial in   the corner trash can but NO! I   thought other people need to see this dead, abandoned umbrella cruelly tossed to the elements as a reminder of the loyal service their own umbrellas give them. Good Lord  people,  most of them are like plow horses; they keep working for you until one day they can't  go another step. But do most people even think at all about their umbrella? Do they treat them as valuable members of the household? 

Oh,  I  think  NOT!

I've seen   many an   umbrella   abused by  impatient   owners, man-handled, cursed  at, pushed beyond their limits and  in some cases just tossed aside or given away like little Oliver. And this umbrella in  particular looked like a work horse. Not ostentatious like those floozy, colorful parasol types that people love to look at but   in   fact are worthless. This (now deceased) umbrella's only adornment was the wooden handle but let's not criticize it  for that or think that it was less useful..  It couldn't help having a wooden handle; I mean  it was born  that  way. Besides, God loves all umbrellas equally.

I made a mistake when I  got my umbrella. I went for the little plastic nob end type with a push button opening. I didn't even give the wooden handled ones a look.. I admit it; I  was prejudiced.  I thought I'll   just get one of those cheap albeit hard working under appreciated immigrant style umbrellas. I  do have  respect for what my umbrella does for me and I  try as best I can to take care of it.

You know the old axiom:  If  you take care of your umbrella; your umbrella will take care of you. For example: some days I'll go out into the rain or snow by myself just to give my umbrella the day off. I also hang it up on my coat rack so I can see it and be reminded of how much it does for me. I trust that in times of great need, it will come through for me. I don't toss it into the dark corners of a closet never to be seen, like some people might do with a red headed step-child. Never that!  I  don't know how much more time my umbrella has left (it's been balky lately) but I know I'm not just going to drop it onto a snow drift and walk away. My God?! It will get the final resting place it deserves. Only when my current faithful companion goes to that great inclement weather in the sky will I begin to look for a real good deal on umbrellas. 

"Be Alive While You're Alive"

                It’s very hard not to be self-centered. In fact our automatic response right from birth is to be self- centered.  In a real sense we have to be to learn, to adapt and survive. In fact I would suggest the kids that don’t thrive lack an ability to make themselves the most important thing in the world when they need to. As we get older we often continue to think of ourselves as the center of the universe. Why wouldn't we? When you think about it, everywhere you go, you are in the middle of what is going on. There are things in front and back of you and on either side that are either coming towards you or you are reaching out to, interacting with. But life-long self-centered(ness) is the root cause of much unhappiness.

                My friend Katherine in San Diego said it best recently when she told me she doesn’t believe in happiness. She said it’s a man-made construct that makes it seem that happiness is something you can acquire and having once “got it” you can hang onto it like the fairy tale told us, “happily ever after”. But happiness doesn’t exist as a thing. We can have happy moments but only as part of a larger picture where we can also have unhappy moments and all in the same day. I might have a great time having breakfast with my son, but then later go to teach my class and have an unhappy experience when they are unmotivated and unprepared. Sometimes I think the biggest disappointment of life is constantly striving to be “happy” but finding there is no permanent happy.

                Let’s put the two concepts together. We are naturally self-centered people that also never seem to be as happy as we think we should be. We think others are happier than we are and wonder why not us. But, lets’ accept for a moment, that the way it works is we are capable of being both happy and unhappy all in the same day or moment, just like joy, sad, anger and love, a continually flowing and changing stream. If you accept that then the question "are you happy" is the wrong question. The better question is: are you happy with who you are?

                If you value money most of all you will never be happy because you will never have enough money and you will constantly worry about losing your money. You'll spend inordinate amounts of time and energy securing  money, and be forever guarded.. Remember Charles Dickens character Scrooge was a man that valued money over everything else and was dead inside. He came to life when he changed from valuing money to valuing people and it was when he began to contribute to other people’s happiness that he found his own.

                If what you value most is power, authority, and dominance you will never be truly happy because you will always worry who is plotting to take away your power, and you might harm others to keep your power. Remember Shakespeare's character Macbeth that slipped into paranoid madness trying to hang on to his power. You will try to buy loyalty, and obsess over perceived enemies and treacheries. Other people will cease to be people to you. 

                If what you value most is your looks, being the center of attention you will not be happy either because you’ll always worry that someone else will replace you as the desired object. You’ll fight nature to maintain your looks but ultimately fail as nature eventually claims you as it does everyone else. If your sense of worth is  based on your looks, being the trophy wife or husband then every day must be  a frightening march towards inevitable misery.

If you require friends and fans to adore you and validate you more than anything else you will never be happy with who you are because friends come and go. Fan worship is even more fleeting. Remember Mark David Chapman thought John Lennon was a god, then shot him in the back and killed him. Also, your real friends will demand you not be so self-centered and yet self-centered vanity is mostly all you have to offer. If you live long enough, one friend after another will eventually drop off, one way or another and then what do you have left?

Nothing can be worse than being dead while alive. You see and hear people every day that are dead while alive. The expression, “have a nice day” uttered completely by rote, with no real feeling; the person not even looking at you is the voice of someone that is dead while alive. “See you later” uttered with no interest, belief or care that they will ever see you later is the voice of the living dead. There are more examples but you get my point. I meet people every day that are dead while alive. Why not be alive while we are alive!

               

          We can, first by realizing we aren't and don't have to be the center of the universe.  We need  to try to get outside ourselves; see things from someone else’s perspective. When you are pissed at the old man clogging up the line at the register, instead of saying to yourself, “Perfect, an old fart clogging up the line, I’m tired and I just want to get this done”? Try thinking maybe this guy is trying to get an overcharge corrected because he is on such a limited income that he needs every cent to survive. His life could be far worse than mine. I have to wait a few minutes longer; he might not be eating at the end of this month. The person that cut you off in the car may be a wife hurrying to a hospital because her child took ill at school and is being rushed there. Another thing we can all do is to make other people's lives a bit better each day. Get a smile from the person behind the counter in a “dead end” job. Do something unexpected and nice for someone, even as small as picking up something a person dropped in front of you.

                When we stop being SO self-centered and realize that we have the power to affect other people’s lives in a good way and that when we do; we leave a lasting mark on humanity.  Money, looks, friends, fans and/or power are not worth being remembered for. Our true lasting worth, our real contribution to the world,  begins the day we become more other-centered. That is the same day we begin to like who we are and experience moments of deeply felt happiness.  

                 

"Polar Vortex Fashion"

                The Polar Vortex which has bedeviled all states east of the Rockies since December 1^st continues. NYC had the eighth coldest month of January in the city’s history. The average day time temp was below freezing. Kansas recently recorded a night of 40 below zero, as has Minnesota several times and even as far south as Houston there has been snow and freezing temperatures. Atlanta had another ice storm last night and my friend in Dallas told me the other the day the high temperature was 25. In Dallas, Texas! All this is a relentless assault on record books everywhere. BUT here is the good news! All this cold has really brought out some interesting “Polar Vortex Fashion”.

                In Manhattan (locals say it this way Mnhattn’) I have seen everything from the 20 thousand dollar full length sable coat to numskulls wearing a tee shirts, sweaters and running shorts.The standard wear for women wanting to stay warm is:  A North Face puffy down coat (knee or ankle length) with a fake fur lined hood. Add to that boots up to the knees which most women prefer but since the ankle high boot-shoe is so popular this year, there are plenty of leg cramping, ankle stressing boot-shoes too. Some women will wear a beanie hat and then  the hood on top of that. You see lots of the terrorist ski masks and of course the color coordinated scarf that in many cases is used to wrap the face. Frankly, most of these women look terrific in their cold weather “gear". You don’t see many “Sally bag a bones” walking down New York streets. Also you see lots of full length fur coats, and I'm guessing most of them are fake fur. Still.  many of these women look loaded with money so it may well be real fur. No one gives them a hard time about whether or not it’s real fur because in Mnhattn' it’s like: hey I do what I do; you do what you do. In L.A. you wouldn't get 6 blocks wearing a real fur coat before Birkenstock clad ex hippies looking for a cause to get hysterical and shrieky about would accost you.

                My favorite for the women are the trooper (trapper) hats and also the round Russian winter hats that I call the Dr. Zhivago hat. Wow, are they impressive. Each day I get to pass by a Lara and Dr. Zhivago, pretend I am in St. Peters burg and that I ‘m about to get a cup of coffee with Leo Tolstoy. I have included a few pictures of women in there furry finest.

                On the other hand, with men, (as most women know) it’s another story. I understand there are a few well-dressed Pierce Brosnan types with their full length wool coats, matching scarves and everything from the winter fedora hat to their own Russian fur military hat. They stand out among a sea of guys that look like the boat just docked and they got off with their sea cap beanie, short wool coat, mismatched scarf, jeans and boots or tennis shoes. Sad to say I fit in this category. Every picture of me in winter garb I look like Jack Nicholson in “The Last Detail”. I have to change that look. Next year I’m getting me a really cool looking warm coat. Either the North Face Polar Ice Cap Eskimo Sea Fishing coat with the fur lined hood or a real long wool coat. I’m switching to the trooper hat with fake fur ear flaps. I thought about buying a rabbit fur trooper hat but the thought of using a dead rabbit's fur to keep my ears warm….well I just can't do it. After all rabbit fur is notorious for shedding. That just won't do!

                When wearing the nice get ups for winter even ugly women look reasonably good but sad to say ugly men remain ugly no matter what they wear. Some genetic misfires just can't be saved.

I include a picture of a man that I find words hard to describe. Put that guy in a wool coat and Russian hat and he would still look like "Joe the rag man", just one that stole some guy’s nice coat and hat.  I guess the moral to his story is if you can't wear nice clothes, wear lots of clothes. Even the clothing challenged should be warm.