"Hawking Warns"

The famed astrophysicist Dr. Stephen Hawking said he believes there are alien beings in the universe and that we better not interact with them. I agree with him 100% because I have already encountered them. They work at places like Nordstrom, Burger King and the Department of Motor Vehicles. They are disguised as employees. You can tell they are not from this planet because when you talk to them, their eyes begin to glaze over, they start to mumble, and then they just stare at you. At first I thought they were bad employees but after many similar encounters I began to sense something darker. You have to repeat everything 3 times and they still can't get your request right. The car registration doesn't get done, the Whopper with cheese becomes the Big Fish Sandwich, and they can't tell if the price is 1.89 or 18.99 and rather than use common sense and make a decision they have to "call someone". I've asked them to just make a decision but in the reptilian universe one does not go against a superior snake. You must get authorization.

C'mon haven't you left a store recently shaking your head thinking.....what just happened? How hard could it be to know if you have more in the back? And just because they didn't go reptilian on you right there in the store, you must know they have the power to suck gray cells out of your head. Many times I have left a store or food place and thought working with that "employee" (yeah right) has left me dumber than when I went in. How about you? Think it's a coincidence? Maybe, but running into idiot/employees working in stores happens way too often for mere "coincidence".

One time and you'll have to take this on faith, I was trying to explain to one of these alien/employees in Sears that I was just returning a pair of jeans to get a different size. He kept hissing at me; he thought I was trying to get another pair for free. No amount of showing him my receipt or trying to explain to him that I wasn't trying to get a free pair of jeans worked. During this all too close encounter of the third kind; I did notice something very suspicious.While I was trying for the fourth time to explain things to him; I noticed he kept looking over my shoulder at something in the corner and then began to drool. I looked over my shoulder and thought I saw a rodent. He had to have been from another world. He was acting dumb, having a hissy fit, drooling and staring into space. Mississippi is the only place I know of where that could even be sort of  normal.

Well, Dr. Hawking I applaud you for your bold announcement and I stand ready at the forefront of science to lend my evidence to your claim that there are aliens in the universe and we all should stay away from them. My suggestion: Try the Army-Navy Surplus Store, the workers (there) are barely sensate but there are rodents everywhere so I don't think they are aliens.