Signs of the Apocalypse

Some of us worry that the end could be near. I mean, Tsunami's, 9.0 earthquakes, reactor meltdowns, Portugal near bankruptcy along with Greece's slide to debtors Ville and it's a long list. Still others believe things are okay, it's just that we are more aware of the kooky things going on in life. I wanted to do a tongue in cheek this week so this is my: Signs that the apocalypse could be near. They are ALL true.

1. Charlie Sheen has been given a new show in which he will take call in questions and dispense advice to people.
2. 2.5 million dollars worth of stimulus checks was sent to deceased people.
3. Gasoline in California is between 4.12 and 4.45 a gallon. Here we are fighting 3 wars to protect our oil flow (excuse me, bring democracy to downtrodden people that want democracy) and gasoline has only steadily gone up at the same time.
4. 300,000 dollars of stimulus money was spent on a GPS equipped helicopter to look for radioactive rabbit droppings near a nuclear site in Hartford, Washington
5. The recent national college basketball championship game was the poorest played game since 1949 and the game itself looked like it was being played in 1949. Commentator Bill Walton said (on air)"I used to believe in evolution until I saw the first half of this game".
6. An 8 year old boy in school went on such a rampage that after terrorizing his classmates and teachers to the point they locked themselves in a closet, he then taunted police with a sharpened stick and they had to pepper spray him to subdue him. He later said, he was thinking he could "whack" the officers if he got a chance. His mother said, "Couldn’t you just talk to him"?
7. 100,000 dollars of stimulus money was spent on developing "socially-conscious" puppet shows in Minnesota.
8. After the first week of major league baseball both Pittsburgh and Kansas City are in first place and the Boston Red Sox are 0-6.
9. The Reverend Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson each went one full week without complaining of some outrage or injustice.
10. Finally, 3.4 million tax payer dollars (stimulus) was spent creating an underground "turtle tunnel" in Lakeland, Florida. That way the turtles can successfully get across the street without becoming road kill.

I don't know whether or not to laugh at these things but c'mon already, these and many more like them have convinced me the lug nuts are loose on the cosmic wheels and getting looser.