"Sandy Dropped In"

“Frankenstorm” gets closer, and the Weather Channel is beside itself because now they have something to really report. They live for weather events like this. Oh I know they talk about how potentially destructive it could be, gale force winds and they get their serious face on, drop their voice 2 notches to indicate “the seriousness” of the situation but down deep  they can barely contain their glee and excitement. Finally, a challenge! I mean would you rather be a field reporter standing in the face of 60 mph winds sliding along the beachfront risking your life like reporters in war, or standing there in the sunshine in Georgia talking about how the uptick in temps the last few weeks could mean a bigger pecan crop?

In San Diego (California in general) the newscasters are so starved for real weather that the first time it rains ½ inch they break in on the show “The Young and the Useless” to announce full coverage of “Storm Watch 12”. Let’s go live to our reporter Crystal Glass as she is standing helplessly in the rain with a live update on how quickly the drainage ditches are filling. “Oh boy Tawney it’s really starting to come down now, over a 1/3 inch has been reported in more than one part of the county. Drainage ditches are filling, there is water running down the curbs and after an extensive helicopter fly over we found one street already beginning to pool water. If this keeps up we may have to call in Life Flight”.

"Let’s go to “Ben Dover” our reporter standing within 10 feet of a dirt hill in Del Mar". “Tawney, this entire hillside could come crashing down at any moment. If this water saturates the dirt, millionaire homes could become compost for the race track.” “ I've been told to clear this area but like any self-loving air-headed, fluff reporter I won’t. No, I will stand here as long as it takes to get the footage I need to apply for a job elsewhere”.

“We’re getting reports of a rescue that just took place in Mission Valley". Let’s go live to our new affirmative action reporter Kobyashi Maru on the scene”. “Tawney, apparently a woman driving a Fiat ignored 5 posted signs including the one with the skull and crossbones and the word Verboten on it and attempted to cross the Mission Valley river bed. When the water reached door height and she panicked. She climbed to the top of her car but because of the size of the car roof (Fiat) and the size of the woman (Fiat) she immediately rolled off into the knee deep swirling inferno.  She was pulled to shore by two bystanders. One of the bystanders was apparently overheard muttering “dumb-ass” but we don’t have confirmation on that. A happy ending here; but a really close call for one San Diego motorist, back to you in the studio”.

“24 Hour, non-stop, (redundant for effect) coverage of Storm watch 12” When the “event” is over, the “hairdo” on the news set typically says something like, “well, San Diego dodged a bullet this time”. “Our meteorologist Skippy Dohover says next weekend it might snow on Palomar Mountain”. 

I get it, when you have the job of reporting news (especially weather) you just want some news to report. So Hurricane Irene last year and now Sandy is threatening this year. Yes, trees will snap, power lines will dance along the concrete, somebody’s basement will flood and crying women will hold up the last remnant of the grandchild’s tricycle but in the end,  the power will come on, water will recede, insurance companies will pay out and the kid will a get motorized scooter.

I am taking precautions, trust me I’m not that cavalier. I just get a kick out of the melodramatic angst reporters go through when they finally get something real to report on, something they understand. Rain and wind are tangible and make more sense than the financial infrastructure of Greece.

"Notes from the Road #3"

I finally arrived in the Big Apple on Wednesday October 9. How many days in a row can you have adrenaline surges (to get things done, get over obstacles) before you have to finally stop and regroup? Maybe now I can exhale, take a day or two and regroup.

I finished my sojourn to Texas on Oct. 3^rd. I had finally gotten into a familiar routine having found the 24 Hour Fitness Center, and other key daily stops like McDonald’s for coffee and 2 scrambled eggs in the morning. Texans think big, and are big in heart but those 2 scrambled eggs were only 1 ½. They build 64 million dollar HS stadiums but have pot holes in the roads the size of Texas. You sit in style at the games but your car needs a new differential and alignment after going to them.

I picked up my bag of clothes (left on the way from Nebraska to Texas) at the Edmond, Oklahoma Best Western but left my cell phone charger during the same stop. The Best Western giveth and taketh away. Back in Nebraska I had 3 ½ days to ship some things and get ready to go to New York. That plus go see a night football game where my niece’s daughter was going to cheer. And cheer she did during the 42 degree weather game. Fortunately I brought my light jacket or otherwise I would have frozen to death. Oh, come to think on it I DID freeze. I got up after the game and walked to my car and could not feel my toes. I could NOT feel my toes.  If anymore of my foot were frozen I would have had to crawl to my car. Now I know how the Donner Party felt on one Tuesday before the next Tuesday when they started looking at each other as a potential entree.

Finally the day arrives to fly east. Of course when I go through security at Omaha’s Eppley Airport I am fumbling around like Inspector Clouseau. I dropped my watch, followed by my boarding pass and wallet. In a desperate move to retrieve them I knocked the lady behind me (making a bold move to go around me) into the other loading zone. Mutual apologies later she was back in line waiting for me to continue disrobing. I have lost 22 lbs. since summer but wear the same jeans (I call them potential recidivism jeans) and rely on my belt to hold them up but of course the belt must come off in the security line. So when I went through the scanner and you have to hold your arms up I could not lest I expose more to x-ray than anyone wanted exposed. I did the pull up and try to hold with knees apart and then put my hands up. It took several tries, much to amusement of the security personnel before I got it.

The flight itself went fine except for air turbulence when we came down out of the altitude into Chicago’s Midway Airport. The bumping, rolling and banging had me praying. Even the flight attendants were told by the captain to stop what they were doing and take a seat. It was a tense 15 minutes. The flight to Newark, NJ from Midway was no less prayerful. To avoid a long gradual climb to above the clouds the pilot took off, put it at about a 45 degree angle and opened it up all the way.  We were above the clouds in less than a minute. Even if you were scared enough to pee your pants the centrifugal force wouldn't allow it.

On board were 10 families of orthodox Jews. Guys with the all black suits and cowboy hats and all their wives had the shoulder length jet black hair parted on the side and the bangs all going the same direction. They (wives) did not wear cowboy hats. They were all in the late twenty years old range and had multiple kids under the age of 2-3. I counted 18 kids between them age 3 or younger and they all sat together near the back of the plane.  Normally, not a big deal but I didn't get my boarding pass 24 hours before the flight (Southwest); I got mine 8 hours before the flight which meant that when I boarded the plane the only place left to sit was in the back. The entire trip it was shrieking kids, yammering kids, crying kids, and kid questions.

Somewhere over Ohio, I couldn't take it anymore so I looked down at my rubber WWDD bracelet (what would Debby do) and then called the flight attendant over. I first asked her if she would please slip some whiskey into the kid’s milk and juice drinks. She said no. So then I told her I was relying on her expertise to get me outta this nightmare and she came through. She told me to (and I quote) “think happy thoughts”. The only thing I could come up with was: "Well, at least I am one of the very few people in the world that can say they truly look forward to being in New Jersey".