"Sandy Dropped In"

“Frankenstorm” gets closer, and the Weather Channel is beside itself because now they have something to really report. They live for weather events like this. Oh I know they talk about how potentially destructive it could be, gale force winds and they get their serious face on, drop their voice 2 notches to indicate “the seriousness” of the situation but down deep  they can barely contain their glee and excitement. Finally, a challenge! I mean would you rather be a field reporter standing in the face of 60 mph winds sliding along the beachfront risking your life like reporters in war, or standing there in the sunshine in Georgia talking about how the uptick in temps the last few weeks could mean a bigger pecan crop?

In San Diego (California in general) the newscasters are so starved for real weather that the first time it rains ½ inch they break in on the show “The Young and the Useless” to announce full coverage of “Storm Watch 12”. Let’s go live to our reporter Crystal Glass as she is standing helplessly in the rain with a live update on how quickly the drainage ditches are filling. “Oh boy Tawney it’s really starting to come down now, over a 1/3 inch has been reported in more than one part of the county. Drainage ditches are filling, there is water running down the curbs and after an extensive helicopter fly over we found one street already beginning to pool water. If this keeps up we may have to call in Life Flight”.

"Let’s go to “Ben Dover” our reporter standing within 10 feet of a dirt hill in Del Mar". “Tawney, this entire hillside could come crashing down at any moment. If this water saturates the dirt, millionaire homes could become compost for the race track.” “ I've been told to clear this area but like any self-loving air-headed, fluff reporter I won’t. No, I will stand here as long as it takes to get the footage I need to apply for a job elsewhere”.

“We’re getting reports of a rescue that just took place in Mission Valley". Let’s go live to our new affirmative action reporter Kobyashi Maru on the scene”. “Tawney, apparently a woman driving a Fiat ignored 5 posted signs including the one with the skull and crossbones and the word Verboten on it and attempted to cross the Mission Valley river bed. When the water reached door height and she panicked. She climbed to the top of her car but because of the size of the car roof (Fiat) and the size of the woman (Fiat) she immediately rolled off into the knee deep swirling inferno.  She was pulled to shore by two bystanders. One of the bystanders was apparently overheard muttering “dumb-ass” but we don’t have confirmation on that. A happy ending here; but a really close call for one San Diego motorist, back to you in the studio”.

“24 Hour, non-stop, (redundant for effect) coverage of Storm watch 12” When the “event” is over, the “hairdo” on the news set typically says something like, “well, San Diego dodged a bullet this time”. “Our meteorologist Skippy Dohover says next weekend it might snow on Palomar Mountain”. 

I get it, when you have the job of reporting news (especially weather) you just want some news to report. So Hurricane Irene last year and now Sandy is threatening this year. Yes, trees will snap, power lines will dance along the concrete, somebody’s basement will flood and crying women will hold up the last remnant of the grandchild’s tricycle but in the end,  the power will come on, water will recede, insurance companies will pay out and the kid will a get motorized scooter.

I am taking precautions, trust me I’m not that cavalier. I just get a kick out of the melodramatic angst reporters go through when they finally get something real to report on, something they understand. Rain and wind are tangible and make more sense than the financial infrastructure of Greece.