"Bowling for Dollars"

Well it’s college football Bowl season. That time of year when a few excellent NCAA football teams are rewarded with a trip, schmoozed, given gifts, treated to dinner, exposed to future business “gonnections”, (Gatsby) and allowed a lot of freedom to carouse around and be young men. In recent years so many new Bowl games have popped up that even mediocre college football teams get to “go bowling”. A full line up of 35 Bowl games provide spaces for 70 college teams to go “bowling” out of a possible 120 Division I schools. There are scads of 6-6 teams in bowl games and one team (Georgia Tech) will play in a Dec. 31^st game with a 6-7 record. If you can get a won-loss record of 7-5 you will play somewhere. Angling for a specific bowl bid requires colleges to rev up the glad-handing, dinner buying, and promise making efforts towards “Bowl officials”. Essentially, like in politics, it’s who you know, who you buy off that secures your best “product” placement.

While it’s true that a team does have to have at least 5 wins against Division I schools and an aggregate total of 6 wins; you are allowed to pulverize at least one sub Division I school. That lopsided win counts toward your win total. All the schools do it. I mean how else you can explain a powerhouse like Michigan playing a football underling like South Dakota Bible College? Wins baby, and the more wins you have the better bowl game you can go to unless you are Boise State in which case you’ll be playing in Boise or Las Vegas (minor Bowls) no matter whom you beat. What do I mean by a better Bowl game?

Well, in addition to treating the players, coaches, athletic department personnel, and school administrations like they were royalty landing on a shore, the teams get boatloads of cash for their program. Members of the conference that aren't going to a bowl game even get some of the money generated by the ones that are.  It’s a “gesture” towards those schools in the conference that routinely get battered senseless by the power houses. Schools like Indiana, Wake Forest, or Maryland take their lumps every year for conference recognition and a small sliver of the big payout. Of course the weaker schools can (themselves) schedule even weaker and smaller schools like Bethany College, Trinity U. and South East Texas State’s and then beat them senseless for a few wins too. The big schools like Florida, Georgia, and Michigan get richer and stronger and the weaker teams don’t.  If you go to the Rose Bowl your school might get 5 million dollars along with the players and coaches getting I Pads  ski jackets, and a trip to Jay Leno’s show. However, if you play in the lowly Belk Bowl in front of 17,000 your team might  get at most 250 K  and instead of an I PAD each player would probably get an 8 track player and 2 tickets to see The Oak Ridge Boys. It’s financial Darwinism at its best/worst.

So it’s a money making venture for all concerned: Players get things they would otherwise have to steal, coaches get free trips so they can make contacts for future employment and their wives get to go along and spend his coaching money shopping and being placated for the fact that their hubby is gone 80% of the year. If they love their husband it’s a poor trade off, but if they don’t it’s a win, win, win! The athletic department top dogs get free trips and cozy dinners with the big boys (bowl officials) and School Admin personnel get trips and goodies just because their paid employees are good at the play for pay structure. Even the ball boys get a trip, and a new air pump and tickets to a movie.

The City hosting the game gets free national publicity for their city. Cool if you are sponsoring the San Diego Holiday Bowl. San Diego sells itself. But what if you are Washington DC sponsoring the Military Bowl and no one gives a shit about the teams playing (as they didn't this year) and you are trying to sell DC in winter, with politicians just down the road. The corporations potentially win because they get to sponsor football on TV and that means a boatload of commercials for everything from car belts to tacos. Some of the bowl games are (in fact) exciting, but alas with so many games, most are snooze fests. Nothing like San Jose State taking on Bowling Green to replace sleep aids.

Some of these Bowl games have become absolutely goofy over the years as more and more companies rush in to sponsor a game. Bridge Point Education, Mein eke Car Care, Chick-fil-A, Idaho Potato’s, Beef O Brady, MAACO, Little Caesar’s, Buffalo Wild Wings, Outback, and Go Daddy are just some of the companies that sponsor a bowl game. Bridge Point Education, huh?

My favorite (no longer a sponsor) was the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl. But I don’t think the sponsors and Bowl games today really connect with football fans. The Pinstripe Bowl in New York? I know it’s playing on the Yankee pinstripes but wouldn’t the Empire Bowl or Big Apple Bowl be more apropos? The Sun Bowl was played in a drizzle. The Poinsettia Bowl doesn’t even connect with the city it’s played in, San Diego. Is San Diego the only place that grows Poinsettias and what if it was?

Well, do not despair I have come up with 6 new bowl games that would connect better with college football fans. And these games would be so much more interesting to watch. These would be fun games that match the times, the city, or the teams involved.

Here then (in my own humorous way) are the 6 Bowl games I think could be added:

1.       The Land o Lakes Lard Bowl

** To be eligible you must have at least two players 400lbs+ and 15 players 300lbs or more. Most teams would be eligible.

Playing this year: Iowa vs. Iowa State (those corn fed boys on the plains can really pack it on)

Singing the National Anthem would be: Aretha Franklin

Alternate names could be: “The No Neck Bowl”, “The Tub o Goo Bowl”, or ‘The HBP Bowl”

2.       

The Probation Bowl

** To be eligible you have be on current probation by the NCAA for multiple wrongdoings

 Playing this year: Penn State vs. Ohio State

Singing the National Anthem would be: Lindsay Lohan

Alternate names could be: “Hand in the Cookie Jar Bowl”, “The Felony Bowl” or “The Gotcha Bowl” 

3.       

The Dumb Mascot Bowl

** To be eligible you have to have one of the most annoying college Mascots ever created

Playing this year: Notre Dame vs. Texas (a leprechaun and Bevo a long horn steer)

Singing the National Anthem would be: Psy

Alternate names could be: “The Progressive Flo Bowl”, “The Allstate Mayhem Bowl” or “The GEICO Gecko Bowl”

4.   

    “The Countdown to Meltdown Bowl”

** To be eligible you have to have an out of control, ready to implode at any moment head coach.

Playing this year: Nebraska vs. Syracuse (Pelini vs. Robinson)

Singing the National Anthem would be: Chris Brown

Alternate names could be: “The Mental Health Awareness Bowl”, “The Bushwhacker 223 Bowl” or “The Mel Gibson Jew Bowl”

5.   “The Mensa Bowl”

** To be eligible you have to have at least one Rhodes Scholar on the team and 10 certifiable Mensa Club eligible members. This of course eliminates most all football teams in America but….

Playing this year: Yale Vs. Harvard

Singing the National Anthem: Dr. Cornell West (my brouther!)

Alternate Names could be: “The Bobby Fischer Bowl”, “The Hawking Bowl”, or the “Dr. Phil Bow

AND Last but not least

6.     

  “The Elitist Bowl”

** To be eligible every team member and coaching staff must travel with J. Crew, Abercrombie, and/or Calvin Klein apparel+ TAG Heur watches.

Playing this year: Stanford vs. Duke

Singing the National Anthem: Celine Dion

Alternate Names could be: “The Polo Pony Bowl”, “The Lord Grantham Bowl”, or the “The Snot Nose Bowl”

I jest, I jest……just having fun. 

"The Perfect Gift"

Recent tragic events in Newtown, CT. (which I will address in a future Post) have cast a pall over the nation. Since Christmas is about kids mostly, it makes this Christmas seem not very merry. But what are we going to do cancel fun for the rest of the kids? Of course not so we adults have to hold it together at least for another week and let the kids (in your lives) (yes even the grown ones) have a fun Christmas.

When I began to raise my son, alone, some 27 years ago I began the practice of saying to him, “I love you” whenever we would part. I said it when he went to sleep, when I dropped him off at day care and when he or I traveled. Pretty much we said it to each other virtually every day.  It became awkward for both of us later when he was a teen because I didn't want to embarrass him in front of his friends but we both kept saying it even if we had to cuff our hands over the phone and say it in a low, muffled voice.

I’m sure more than one person must have thought, what’s that all about, he’s a grown up, it’s weird.  Let me tell you why I still tell him I love you. It is because of what happened in Newtown, or on Flight United 93, Hurricane Sandy or Aurora, Colorado. We just don’t know if this time we part will be the last time we ever see each other. Do you absolutely 100% know you’ll see the person again? I sure don't. I always wanted the last thing I said to my son to be I love you. I wanted him to know I loved him to the very end.

The passengers on Fight 93 that crashed into the Pennsylvania field or the people trapped in the burning Towers, when they could reach a loved one on the phone what did they say to them, what was the last thing they said to them? That’s right, “I love you”. Austin will always be able to say the last thing my dad said to me was that he loved me. 

My family members never said that to each other and a couple of years ago when I started to say it to my sister Karla at the end of phone calls and there was this embarrassed, awkward silence and at first she just couldn't say it back to me but gradually over time she and my other sister have begun to be more comfortable saying they love me at the end of calls. It costs nothing to say and it could (god forbid) be the most important thing you will have ever said to someone.

I believe the kids killed in Newtown knew their parents and grandparents, brothers and sisters and friends loved them but I also hope that when they were dropped off they were told that. There was one brave teacher that huddled her kids into a storage room and by so doing saved them (and her). When interviewed by reporters about those minutes she told reporters that she told the kids to be silent and they were and that she then repeatedly told them she loved them because in her words she thought that if this was the last moments of their little lives, she wanted them to know they were loved. She burst into tears telling her story and I did hearing it.

You’ll get your kids nice gifts this year, your parents will get nice gifts (well most of them), and other family members and friends will too but the best gift you will ever give to your loved one is when the party or gathering is over and they or you are leaving, tell them “you’re a good girl, boy, husband, friend, dad, sister, granddaughter, grandson etc.) and that you love them. The gifts from the heart are never regifted.

“Merry Christmas” to all my readers from the Bailey Post / December 2012

"Yankee Observations"

I've been in New York City exactly 2 months. That + the fact that I visited here before on several occasions has led me to some “Yankee” observations.

#1: People walk a lot in NYC. I mean they walk A LOT. Yes, there are lots of cabs, some buses and the subway trains (the locals just call “trains”) often are full yet the primary method of daily travel is walking. What I have noticed that the walking here pretty much exactly matches driving in California. The road way (sidewalks) are crowded most of the time, and some people go faster than others. The fast walkers change lanes constantly in an effort to get around the “slowpokes”. You give a quick glance over the left or right shoulder and then a quick move into the next lane and step on it to clear. You have to signal intentions to avoid head on collisions. Occasionally someone will come to a complete stop in front of you and if you have kept a respectful distance between you and them you can avoid a rear-ender. Some people are totally reckless or just don’t give a damn and are all over the place, pushing the envelope and causing near accidents all the time. You try to get away from them as soon as possible. I've been known to take a sharp, sudden left or right turn at a corner just to get away from the drunken walkers, the road rage walkers, the elderly weavers, or those that just seem lost.  Here walking should require a road test and license. It’s uncanny the parallels between walking here and driving in California.

#2 People are polite but not real friendly in NYC. When you are out and about you can “glance” at someone but you do NOT look at anyone. A longer look is viewed as aggression. You may admire their outfit or hair style but don’t get caught doing a double take or looking too long. People here stay to them (selves) and you are expected to stay to yourself. Often on my daily walks,  most people that pass me by do not look at me AT ALL. Most people here have determined expressions on their faces looking straight ahead. They have somewhere they want to be and they are only interested in getting there; they aren't “mall walking” and they aren't "people watching". Tourists ( lookie lous) are tolerated but not liked.  I can’t avoid overhearing phone conversations as I walk by (Manhattan people openly air their business) and what I am mostly overhearing is contentiousness in the calls like: “Who gives a shit what he wants, I’m not interested in what he wants” “I didn't get the job because that bitch told me I didn't have no social skills”.  These are angry, argumentative, deal-making, business driven, conversations. I NEVER hear: “tell Avery, grandma loves her”, “I’m so proud of you”, or “I can’t wait to see you”. Usually someone is pissed off or “working it”.

#3 Spanish is NOT the language I hear the most other than English. You’d think so with the number of Hispanics in this city. I do hear a lot of Spanish but what I hear the most is Russian or Slavic/Baltic languages. You know the “stans”. (Afghanistan, Uzbekistan, Iownastan etc.). That really surprised me. My building “super” is named Braho and he’s barely understandable. Patrick is the owner’s (of the building) representative and his Irish brogue is thicker than an Irish potato. He was the one that told me when I moved in that I could: “ga doun ta Toid avenue and sixty toid street n buoy yerself a hater, thot weigh ya won’t gat sa culd at naight”. This is a linguists paradise that’s for sure.

#4 Manhattan is many places, literally. Saying you live in Manhattan is like a person saying they live in San Diego. Rancho Bernardo is “San Diego” but so are Imperial Beach, Encinitas, Rancho Santa Fe, and Lakeside. Yet all these places are distinctly different.  It’s the same with Manhattan.  Here are some areas:

Yorkville: This is where my son and his girlfriend and I live. It’s the Upper East Side between 70-85 streets and at the Far East end by York Avenue. Middle class and upper middle class live there. This is your Carlsbad type place.

Upper West Side: This is the wealthy and distinctly upper middle class. These are older people, rich and they have elevator buildings, doormen and Central Park or Hudson River views. This is the La Jolla part of New York)

East Village and Greenwich Village: Lower east side of Manhattan, from say Canal Street up to 34^th street. Bohemian artiste and trend setters live here. Lots of young people live here because it’s a “happening” place. There are lots of parties, night clubs, comedy stores, bars, art boutiques and so forth. It’s pretty costly to live here so lots of smaller studios or people partner up to afford it. On a Friday night in summer the streets are packed at 2 am. Think of a merger of Hillcrest and Ocean Beach.

Mid-Town: This is from around 34^th street up to 60^th street in the center of Manhattan. This is your tourist locale. The Empire State Building, Macy’s, Broadway shows on 42^nd street, Grand Central, Bloomingdales, Christie’s auction house, Madison Square Garden, Times Square are found here. More businesses than living spaces but the living spaces are pricey because you would be in a nice building high up. This is the Las Vegas Strip equivalent.

Other places like: Soho, Sutton, Murray Hill, Turtle Bay, Chelsea, Tribeca, Nolita  and my person favorite  Dumbo. Dumbo is found way down south near the Brooklyn Bridge and encompasses several blocks between the Brooklyn and Manhattan Bridges. Why is this middle to lower middle class region called Dumbo? Because it stands for: “Down Under the Manhattan and Brooklyn Overpass”.

Another Thing: Be thankful for your Ralph’s, Albertson’s and Vons. There aren't any here and the grocery stores here are half their size, lack many options and are expensive. You can eat at home but you don’t get that many choices.

HOWEVER, there so many more places to go get something to eat.  My god the number of restaurants, bodega carts, deli’s, bagel shops, and diners is endless. I could find a new place to eat almost every day. The hardest part is finding your favorites. The food is excellent at almost every place. The prices are high but you pick and choose wisely. They serve huge portions here. I think it’s because so many people walk and burn a lot of calories. I average 3+ miles every day. People burn calories here, they really do. I am not kidding when I say 8.5 people out of every 10 you see walking the streets are very fit.

#5 Iconography: There is a reason so many movies and TV shows are filmed in Manhattan. It’s one scenic, iconic location after another. It’s not just the famous places like Trump Tower, Rockefeller Center, Lincoln Center, Chinatown, World Trade Center, Central Park, and St. Patrick’s Cathedral. NO, there are classic diners like Neil’s Coffee Shop, Green Kitchen, and some beautiful churches like The Church of the Heavenly Rest. It’s Jackie Onassis Reservoir, Strawberry Fields, Strand Bookstore, Flat Iron Building, the East River Walkway, and I could make a list of a hundred more. There are poetry & book readings, more Broadway and off Broadway plays than a person could ever attend and shops and boutiques along Park and Madison Avenue, and at least 10 interesting and famous museums. You can never tire of the things to do here. This place literally has something going on all the time. As Sinatra crooned, “it’s the city that never sleeps”. And one more thing, it has the most famous sports team in American history the New York Yankees.