"Loss"

 I spent 6 months waiting for June so I could take a road trip with my son and he called me tonight and cancels. Good reason? Yes, his reasons made sense to me, classes, job and so forth. But my sense of loss at not getting to see him is real. You may not understand, but he and I were real close during his growing up years. Now he's 3,200 miles away making his mark and I am out of the loop. This in a year when I lose a dear friend John, and my job ends which means more losses. So the subject of "loss" is on my mind.

I don't remember where I heard it but it went like this: life is about loss, either you deal with it or you go under. Life is about loss doesn't sound threatening. But when you come face to face with loss you understand  what it means.

I've had many losses in my life: brother (died) sister (died), parents (died), best friend in elementary school (killed) other friends moved because of job opportunities, marriage went under, you name it. I know am not alone, about losses. I know your catalog of losses might easily make mine look like not much. Still  I'm screaming at the universe "I'm tired of having losses"! The universe looks back dispassionately and says, "so what"?

Be philosophical? Understand inevitability? Every door closed is another door open? It's God's plan? What goes around comes around? "All things are as they should be" "It's life" I get all those sayings, I understand what they mean. Still, I am tired of losses piling up for me.

 Every time I have a loss it's like a knife cutting out a piece of my heart and I'm truly wounded a long time. So I don't need more philosophy and I don't need a religion lesson. What I need to know is how I do I stop hurting over this loss, and the next one and the next one after that?