"Stroller Nazi's"

 I have some observations about the baby strollers in New York City and the people that push them around.

 First, there are many models to choose from. Some parents and Nanny’s prefer the kind my friend Tammy has in California. I call it the Side-by-Side Rickshaw 3 Wheeler Model. What I like about Tammy’s stroller is one: the fact that she needs a two-seater because she has twins. Unlike some of the parents in New York that use the two-seater because it’s bigger and way-cooler even though its totally unnecessary, you know like owning a big SUV.  Two: Tammy’s is functional not ostentatious. New York parents have to push their 3 wheel rickshaws with doo-dads and rich Corinthian leather.

Other models in New York include the Double-Decker London Bus Model. This version has one seat on top of the other. It’s the bunk-beds of strolling. The one on top gets the panorama view the one on bottom gets a view of the one on top.  Then there is the Triple Wide Model where you can put the triplets or if you only have one child or even twins they can invite other infant friends along for a stroll through the carbon monoxide, construction noise, panhandler, screaming siren, congested streets of NY. The good news is if they get back home without wailing or that thousand yard stare on their face you know they are city survivors and likely to stroll their kids in like manner in the future.

My personal favorite is the Double Decker X 2 London Bus Model. Here you have two on top and two on the bottom. These are especially built for parents that doubled down on the fertility drugs (just to be sure) or the wannabe “Octomoms”. These strollers are the equivalent of the Winnebago. The kids in these strollers are almost always quiet which I attribute to one of two reasons one: traveling in a four-pack gives them the confidence to know that few on the road will give them and their sibling posse any crap or two: they are already so embarrassed to be seen in the Winnebago that keeping quiet increases their chances of drawing less attention.

My last point is about the New York City Stroller Nazi’s. These are the parents or hired nannies that feel entitled to push their kids’ right down the center of the sidewalk. More often than not you’ll see two stroller Nazi’s teamed up side by side to prevent any/all traffic from getting through. I've often seen 3 go side by side by side. They go slow enough to keep their kids safe (we all fear seeing an out of control speeding stroller) but not fast enough to prevent the sidewalk from clogging up like a 65 year old hillbillies arteries. They know you are behind them but with their noses in the air they pretend they don’t see you.  What they are really saying is, "I’m special and therefore my child is special so FU".  It’s their walk that infuriates me, the “I clawed my way up the Darwinian Manhattan ladder and now I am entitled to do whatever I want with my baby, my stroller”. “ I had a baby in New York damn-it”!!