"The Gathering"

                There are two things I really hate. One is when everyone else (I know) is spending Thanksgiving and Christmas with their loved ones and I am not. The other one is when I am spending my holidays with loved ones and I know someone else isn't.  I can’t stand that. It goes back to situations in my child hood that were painful and burned into my psyche. I won’t go into that. I once horrified a woman I was in a relationship with (and living with) many years ago because when we went out to a see a movie on Thanksgiving eve I noticed an older man watching the movie alone. I said to her; let’s invite him over for Thanksgiving. She just did one of those slaps on my arm like, “oh really Will, stop"! Then she saw my face and she knew I was dead serious. She became ashen-faced (well, it seemed that way to me) and began explaining to me all the reasons why that was a bad idea. I didn’t invite him over but I stood there for at least 3 minutes thinking about it before I gave it up. Now, I chuckle when I think about the look on her face but it is also interesting that 40 years later I still think about that guy and I still hope he had a place to go.

                 After my son left for New York, and when the holidays would roll around, the woman I was dating (the loosest definition of the term) made a point of NOT inviting me over to her parents’ house. No need to go into the folly of that retarded (sorry) situation BUT my good friend Neville and his wife Lana always invited me over to their house in Encinitas for Thanksgiving. Five years running. There were times when I would say to them both, c’mon surely you just want family at this one but they wouldn't have any part of that. So I always went, and gratefully so. At Christmas season, I would travel. One time I flew to New York City the day after Christmas Day to see Austin.  But I only flew there one time at the holidays.  So what I would otherwise do is drive on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I’d drive to Arizona and stay in a B n B or up the California Coast, or Las Vegas, anything to get through those two days. It worked pretty well. 

         One winter I went to New Mexico to see my friend Liz.  That was the most spiritual Christmas I had spent in a long time. Christmas Eve Mass was held in a little hand built catholic church in Valdez, NM. It was very dark outside, with snow on the ground and only about 20 degrees. The church was not very warm, everyone kept their coats on. The mass was in Spanish. It was perfect! That is how I always want to feel on Christmas Eve. Christmas Day was a drive out of NM and into Southern Colorado. The drive and views were spectacular. Traveling on the holiday would keep me from thinking about the holiday, but it was always only a second best option. It wasn't what I really wanted. 

         The Holidays for me are a time for cement. Time to cement the friendship, the family ties, your relationship. Not just with turkey and gifts but by telling/showing those people close to you that they matter so much to you that you are renewing your commitment to them for another year. Who are you going to renew your commitment to this Holiday season?

                And now to you! I don’t want you to be by yourself during either Thanksgiving or Christmas. Only if you are doing a sequestered monk thing, or your only other choice is to be with someone you especially don’t want to be with, do I want you to be by yourself.  Even then I don't want you to be alone. So I have a job for you (no it doesn’t involve inviting strangers in a movie theater over to your place). If either of the two holidays roll around and it’s looking like you are going to be by alone (at all) you are under orders to let me know and I will call you on the phone and remind you of three things: 1. Why it is I like you so much (you would not be reading this if I didn’t think the world of you) 2. How much I miss you (those are not empty Hall Mark card sentiments, I like being with you) and 3. Begin making plans for next year where you will be freezing your muck locks off out in NYC visiting me. (Don’t make me say this twice). 

I hope you have a great Thanksgiving. 

PS: Most of you know, that in the picture I'm clearly the one that's Goofy!