"The 2014 NYC Summer Pigeon Conference"

                Recently I was able to get some pictures of the annual New York City Pigeon Conference in Manhattan. All five boroughs of New York were represented as well as the northern most section of Manhattan, Harlem. I hadn’t realized it before this year but once a year in July the Pigeons converge on the Upper East Side to enjoy a luncheon (see pic) and then discuss (sometime contentiously) the various issues all pigeons in New York face.

If you look at the two pigeons facing away from the others and not partaking of the catered lunch, they represent Harlem. We know that because they are separated from the group and seem in their own world. They do like being able to cross 110th street and be on the Upper East Side. The three dark colored pigeons on the right, one of them has a green neck, represent Brooklyn. You would know that if you had attended the luncheon because they don’t exactly warble, they voilble. Plus, they stick together just like the Brooklyn pigeons have always done. They still resent the superior- acting pigeons of  Manhattan and Queens. The gray and black pigeons in the center are from Queens. They are very social, but you’ll notice the deference they give to the red one in the middle. The one in the center is from Manhattan. These Queens pigeons are essentially Manhattan pigeon wannabe’s. They present themselves as confidant and unique but that belies the psychic pain they feel deep in their pigeon core that they will never be as sheik and glamorous as the Manhattan pigeons. I mean the pigeons from Queens Fly over CITI Field, the home of the Mets, and they scrounge and act the fools for food at Mets games, but it still sticks in their little pigeon craws that the Manhattan pigeons get to work Yankee Stadium.

                Now notice the three black pigeons in the center vertically. They are right next to the reddish one in the center. Those are the representatives from da Bronx. It’s easy to see why they are from da Bronx; they don’t back down from no pigeons and while they give deference to the Godfather pigeon in the center, notice they have bullied their way into the center too. The Bronx pigeons are crafty, clever, urban jungle, street dwellers. Do NOT try to get clever with a Bronx pigeon!

 Oh, see the one on the far left, the grayish one? Well, he represents the little, almost forgotten, inconsequential borough of New York: Staten Island. It’s so insignificant that they only bothered to send one pigeon rep. He eats in silence and humbleness as befits Staten Island compared to the bigger and more assertive boroughs. One side bar: This Staten Island pigeon tried to sneak his cousin “Steinberg” into the conference. You see Steinberg on the far right side of the luncheon table (not eating). Even though he isn’t allowed to eat at the luncheon, he can watch the big boys and learn how it’s done.   Still and all, Steinberg did manage to get off the island and come to the Big Apple, a dream come true for most Staten Islanders I assure you.

                It’s time to point out the big Kahuna pigeon in the center, the reddish one. That’s the Manhattan blue blood, the Godfather of New York Pigeons, the pigeon that began the Pigeon Union ten years ago after the infamous five year Scrap Wars before which by the way, claimed thousands of pigeons lives. Yes, that’s Carmine, but every pigeon calls him “Big Red”.  Big Red don’t take no crap offa any city pigeon. All pigeon business goes through Big Red.  No pigeon takes a crap in this town without Big Red knowing about it.

It’s an interesting story how he got to be so powerful. He was not elected to the position. Oh no, after the Scrap Wars there was a battle to see who would lead the New York Pigeons. Carmine, as the story goes, apparently won out in a one year 5 borough pigeon bloodbath. Open warfare in the streets, dive bombing, sharpened beaks, warbling threats the likes of which pigeons are still too nervous to openly cluck about.

Well, Carmine apparently (as the pigeon myth goes) faced the last challenger, “Rags” from Broiklyn. While negotiations were still going on for a peaceful resolution to who would run the Pigeon population Big Red and his squadron of  “night birds” (so called because they were jet black and impossible to see) attacked the Brooklyn pigeon stronghold over on Flatbush Avenue just up the street from Ho Chi Minh’s laundry.  My Gawd, the mayhem! I wasn’t there but I’ve talked to several (now much older pigeon) survivors that begin to tear up when they talk about it. Comrades lost, friends pecked to bits, feathers flying, and the squawking intimidation alone caused several of the Broiklyn pigeons to die outright of heart attacks. One veteran of that Pigeon war still tears up today if asked about his lost winged Band of Brothers.

                Well, so much for Pigeon history. Big Red held the meeting after the luncheon. They laid out borough territories for pigeons to operate in for the next year. The discussion on how much to pester tourists came up and it was agreed, that they would pester the shit out of every one of them. Some of the Uber pigeons went so far as to demand they try grabbing food out of tourist’s hands. The Staten Island pigeon rep. Irwin suggested that scaring off tourists was bad for future business but he was roundly warbled down. Most agreed that there never seems to be an end of naive, gullible tourists that want to go home telling a story of how a New York pigeon ate their food, and then dumped a load on their head.

              

By the way the white bird in the upper part of the picture is your classic definition of the New York “outsider”. He's probably from Long Island.