"It's just Wednesday"

I knew it was going to be rough when I woke up at 8:00 and it was already 86 degrees outside. My studio apartment does not do well in heat. The heat gets trap inside because I have no cross ventilation so AC is a must in summer. My AC went on the fritz yesterday so last night I slept in front of a fan in 70% humidity. I squeezed out 3 ½ hours of sleep. 

So there I was headed down to the Starbucks on 75^{th St.} at 8:30 and it was stifling hot already. On the way (and half asleep) I passed a guy sitting on the ground with what I thought was his hat to take in donations. I carry dollar bills for this and reached in a got a dollar and dropped it into his hat. I walk away from him about 5 feet when the guy says what the F--- did you do that for? Turns out he’s with Con Ed and it was his hard hat I dropped the dollar in. He was just taking a water break. I apologized but he wouldn’t give me the dollar back.  Ai yi yi

              At Starbucks the usual morning cave dwellers had already arrived and had their faces plunged into their technology and were sipping just one of the many coffees they would have during the day. Their perky, smug, self-contained exceptional ism really irritated me today as did the two baristas that had to talk loud, laugh and goof around with each other instead listening to my order.  So I got a caffeine drink instead of the requested decaf. Twenty minutes later my head started jiggling like a bobble-head doll.

              Finally, Austin arrived looking rested. I said to him, “why are you so nervous and jumpy today and he said he wasn’t and then I realized it was me.  I was the herky-jerky. We discussed the awful weather. The real feel temp at 9:15 was 96.

               Next we walked to the subway on 77 and Lexington. Some of the people walking in front of us were slower than molasses. Normally that wouldn’t bother me but today they did. They wouldn’t just get into one walking lane and stay there so you could pass them. No, they have to do the lollygagging weave about, careening right and then left. I just wanted to shout, “Stand still, don’t move”. “Let me pass and then you can go back to your aimless walk through life”. It was the geriatric bob and weave.

             My special remarks are for the delightful subway (we just call it the train or the tube). The tube in summer has no air flow and no AC. It’s hot, smelly, and cramped. Even the rats won’t make an appearance. Today they were doing construction work down line therefore fewer trains were running. When that happens in rush hour it becomes a Darwinian push to get on one of the trains. I told Austin, get ready and be prepared to take out anyone you have to, to get on. I had my eye on a smaller Asian woman in front of me, and a teen age girl. I was prepared to take them out! Austin was sizing up the stockbroker and the hip hopper.  Fortunately, no one got hurt and we all crammed into the car.

              In really hot humid weather you might as well forget deodorant. Just forget it. Fifteen minutes in this kind of weather and you are sweaty from head to toe.  So all of us sweaty, smelly Darwinian survivors were crammed into this small train car. Not good. It’s like a can of spam that has been sealed so tightly that when you puncture the can it lets out a whoosh. I tried light banter, a funny line or two. People gave me the look like they had just seen me put a turd in the punch bowl, you know that “look”.

             Austin, the grizzled veteran of the trains, looked at me and lightly shook his head no. His way of saying give it up dad. I heeded his sage advice. I shut up and stood there in silence. I took the smell, heat, sweat, bumping and repeated recording “stand clear of the closing doors please” like a true New Yorker.

         42^nd Street for an appointment became another test of endurance. Scads of people, all hot and frustrated. After the appointment we decided to take a bus back uptown. We walked over to Third Avenue only to be approached by a guy who wanted us to sign up for a sightseeing tour of the Empire State building. Another wanted us to give them our credit card numbers so we could begin donating money every month to Gay Pride causes.  They didn’t get my joke: “I take great pride in not signing up for causes”. Austin who is as patient as anyone I know was at the breaking point. 

               Thank God the bus was well air conditioned and I didn’t want to get off but at 68^th we did. I got a full blast of the departing bus’s exhaust right in my face. It was in the midst of coughing and with my eyes watering that I realized I had left my bag on the bus with my two new shirts in it. I couldn’t help but wonder how the down and outer sitting next to us on the bus would look in a lavender dress shirt. It wasn’t even noon and I looked like one of those world cup soccer players after a match.